As I lay there on the bed, heartbroken and hopeless, I start losing consciousness… The reality I see fades into shades of yellow and spirals. Many many spirals. It’s as if I’m in a state of supreme imprisonment. Everything is so fucking shiny. As I drift through every possible dream and every possible outcome, it never occurred to me how this music was playing in the background. It’s like the opposite of my last connection with this surreal realm. Yet in form it is the same. A smooth smooth piano that moves in me the spirit of deep sorrow I had not experienced in so long. Drama was always there wasn’t it? Maybe just in my fucked up head.
“Why?” I say to the shadow playing that piano. “Why the hell won’t you leave me?
I’m shouting and pouting and not a single word was muttered from him. He whom I don’t know. The only wall in front of me. Yet you are not alone, Mr. Shadow. No no, there are so many more bricks in the wall than you. Everywhere I step, everywhere I speak, everywhere I goddamn breathe there’s one of you little charlatans. You pile up on top of each other and drive people back so they can’t actually build up the attitude to just ignore you. For your power is limited. Oh and how weak you all truly are in the face of innocence.
You who gang up on dreamers. You who just pop up in ones mind and throw it into chaos. But your deeds can do much more than you can think. They may lead to cowardliness, shame and regret so much that all life seems to leave ones body when thinking back on what you missed out. But, and there’s always a but, there are these rare cases that stand up to you. These fantastic beings that after years and years of feeling only fear and sadness rise and take control of their life. They just let go of it all. That’s the secret in the end isn’t it?
How can one truly move on when he knows there’s still a part inside that hopes and dreams for something that has long passed. Let it go, just let it all fucking go. Ahead there’s only more hardships, why drag such baggage with you? Embrace what comes, even if it may seem unfair. And if you happen to be in such a situation again just remember, it’s all about you in the end. Is it worth it? If you think that for a tiny second you will feel joy out of that, then go do it.
And if you think you can help someone in a single way, do it even if after you just won’t get what you expect. Because if you feel good about what you did then that’s compensation enough. And if you feel bad, think really hard why it is you’re feeling that way.
Now this may be a load of trash due to the fact that I will have no memory of this in the morning!
Dreamer's World 