A Change Is Gonna Come…

Sometimes this feels right. This feels like it’s the only thing that people should do. That I should do. I was having this really interesting conversation with an old friend today about destiny and whether or not the decisions you make in life are worth anything or is everything laid out for you and everything is predetermined. The only conclusion I drew from this talk was that no matter the evidence, people will believe what they feel is right. And in the end that is what real values represent. I’m not saying that believing something proven wrong is OK, but if there is no way to demonstrate whether this certain theory is true or not then it may be better to go with your feelings. And everybody should just fucking accept that. Don’t push your ideas on others, just learn to love them as they are and respect their choices. Things aren’t always black and white. I believe there’s always a gray area of interpretation in these matters. And the world should just view this with arms wide open and respect everyone in the same way. We are all in the same pot if you think about it. We’re all humans and we’re all gonna pass away eventually. So why live in hate and ignorance of each other when we only have so much to lose. People are stubborn. Maybe to stubborn for their own good. Maybe they will catch on to the right way just a little bit to late. And apparently they think it’s worth risking the entire species of man just for the stubbornness of a few that planted these ideas in men’s heads.

Love is also stubborn sometimes. Whether it’s about love for ones God,ones life partner or ones child. Sometimes it’s hard to fucking let go of things. Because we implanted this absurd idea that we can’t go on without this significant other. And then we work for years and years just to let go. Just to feel free for that fragment of a moment before some other kind of love sucks us in and rapes our mind and soul. I’m not saying love is a bad thing, but when we forget about the pureness of this feeling and we turn it into obsession. No matter who you love, even if it seems impossible, you can move on. You can live long and be happy. Just don’t  let yourself get sucked in by loneliness and think that you can’t go on without someone at your side. And if you decide to spend a period of your life with someone then do it just for the simple reasons. That smile that only she can set on your face. You know the one I’m talking about. That really really pure smile that comes out of joy from the soul. Do it for that moment when you open your eyes and you see that person lying right next to you and you feel like you’re the fucking king of all existence. Just because you won her.

Whatever path in life you should take, the most important thing is to remember to feel. Remember to be pure and never let your mind talk you out of doing what you feel like. Go ahead, make your move, if this is what you found deep inside your being then just do it. The whole universe dares you to move. Let yourself get dragged through existence by this unimaginable experience. Enjoy pain, desire love, just feel alive. You can be better. Start forgiving yourself and the people around you for mistakes that never really hurt someone at all. Don’t do it for divinity or for the promise of a better future. Do it because it feels right. Do it because nothing compares to the satisfaction that fills you up and floats you high, like a hot air balloon. Sometimes I ask myself, was there anything that I could have said or done? But it’s important to remember that we live here and now. It’s important to know that the past is gone. That time is no more and it does not matter anymore. Just do it for this moment! Don’t leave the stage in the middle of a song.

But to get to the point of this here tale. I truly believe a great change is upon us. I think humanity is at a point where we need a missing link to progress as a species. I believe we lost this great thing quite some time ago and we have forgotten how to get it back. Well now it depends on what you compare this symbol to. First of all some think there will come a time of chaos and destruction because of the greed of people. Wealth is their symbol. It is the simple minded approach to the earthly issue. It’s common because money is real, it is palpable and, in the end, it’s what people apparently desire the most. The second type of people are those who believe the divine end is nearing. Irrelevant of religion, they all have this day of reckoning. This end of all things. These people believe in a higher power but they each chose to model it to their wishes and desires. They always find loopholes but they still believe their soul is saved. If you say you believe in this spiritual father then at least be honest and follow his word. If not you’re wasting everyone’s time. And by everyone I mean you as well. Lastly there are the group of people that believe that humanity is on the brink of a new era. They believe that only those pure of heart will ascend to the next state of existence. It is thought that this form we are in is just the beginning of the road for enlightenment. Those who see their body as just a container for our universal projection. We have always felt a connection to a greater power but we never really got around describing it. I think we are complicating things to much and we expect things to just work one way or the other. When all we should do is spread kindness and hope to all fellow humans. We should teach each other what love and compassion is. So that, even if this is the end and maybe we are just simple organisms in the infinity of the universe, we get to to do ourselves the favor of living for everyone and not only for yourself.

So here comes goodbye. I hope you have had a confusing and intriguing journey with some of my more or less real thoughts. The thing is that no matter how shitty things get, doing something good for someone else will always make you feel uplifted. So spread love and always give back to your fellow man.

Published in: on April 7, 2013 at 5:07 am  Comments (1)  
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Symphony of Life…


As I lay there on the bed, heartbroken and hopeless, I start losing consciousness… The reality I see fades into shades of yellow and spirals. Many many spirals. It’s as if I’m in a state of supreme imprisonment. Everything is so fucking shiny. As I drift through every possible dream and every possible outcome, it never occurred to me how this music was playing in the background. It’s like the opposite of my last connection with this surreal realm. Yet in form it is the same. A smooth smooth piano that moves in me the spirit of deep sorrow I had not experienced in so long. Drama was always there wasn’t it? Maybe just in my fucked up head.

“Why?” I say to the shadow playing that piano. “Why the hell won’t you leave me?

I’m shouting and pouting and not a single word was muttered from him. He whom I don’t know. The only wall in front of me. Yet you are not alone, Mr. Shadow. No no, there are so many more bricks in the wall than you. Everywhere I step, everywhere I speak, everywhere I goddamn breathe there’s one of you little charlatans. You pile up on top of each other and drive people back so they can’t actually build up the attitude to just ignore you. For your power is limited. Oh and how weak you all truly are in the face of innocence.

You who gang up on dreamers. You who just pop up in ones mind and throw it into chaos. But your deeds can do much more than you can think. They may lead to cowardliness, shame and regret so much that all life seems to leave ones body when thinking back on what you missed out. But, and there’s always a but, there are these rare cases that stand up to you. These fantastic beings that after years and years of feeling only fear and sadness rise and take control of their life. They just let go of it all. That’s the secret in the end isn’t it?

How can one truly move on when he knows there’s still a part inside that hopes and dreams for something that has long passed. Let it go, just let it all fucking go. Ahead there’s only more hardships, why drag such baggage with you? Embrace what comes, even if it may seem unfair. And if you happen to be in such a situation again just remember, it’s all about you in the end. Is it worth it? If you think that for a tiny second you will feel joy out of that, then go do it.

And if you think you can help someone in a single way, do it even if after you just won’t get what you expect. Because if you feel good about what you did then that’s compensation enough. And if you feel bad, think really hard why it is you’re feeling that way.

Now this may be a load of trash due to the fact that I will have no memory of this in the morning!

Published in: on March 13, 2013 at 2:14 am  Leave a Comment  
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Viata e intradevar un mare mister.Intr-o zi esti aici,in urmatoarea pa.Iti demonstreaza zilnic ca trebuie sa o traiesti din plin,sa faci ce simti,sa iti dai cu capu de pereti,si in primul rand sa treci peste toate hartoapele pe care ti le pune in cale. Si crede-ma ca vor fi multe si adanci.Nu stii ce gropan iei si ramai blocat acolo. Important sa iesi de acolo si sa-ti continui drumul intr-un fel sau altul.Cateodata aceasta viata te invata lucruri intr-un mod foarte dur.Face sacrificii dureroase ca sa poti continua. In acel moment te simti pierdut,confuz,vrei sa fumezi,sa adormi,sa uiti de tot si toate.Dar orice ai face problema continua sa te preseze pana cand nu treci peste ea. Probabl ca cel mai important lucru e sa ai pe cineva acolo care sa te scoata din starea actuala.Si nu stii cine e acea persoana si cand apare.Poate cateodata dureaza luni intregi,alteori cateva ore.Tu ai plecat,poate intr-un loc mai bun si noi iti vom simti lipsa si vom trai cu golul pe care l-ai lasat toata viata.Si la urma urmei nu poti sa te gandesti la un lucru bun din toata treaba asta.SI totusi exista si trebuie sa-l intelegi.Pentru ca nu e vina ta si tot ce putem face e sa invatam din cele petrecute.

Lectia pe care tu mi-ai predat-o si sper ca nu doar mie,e sa traiesc viata in asa fel incat sa nu regret nimic pentru ca nu stii cand se termina. Si lectia asta am invatat-o de zeci de ori,dar niciodata asa de bine.Sa apreciez orice moment,sa imi umplu corpul de sentimente si sa le dau afara de milioane de ori amplificate.M-ai invatat sa fac ceea ce simt,sa nu uit niciodata de vise,sa incerc sa le implinesc pe toate,sa tintesc sus,sa nu ma las descurajat de nimic,sa trec peste orice obstacol si pentru asta iti multumesc.Visele mele intrebi?Ar fi putine,dar pline de speranta.As vrea sa cant.Mi-ar placea asta extrem de mult. As vrea sa inspir lumea prin cuvintele mele si sa creez sentimente prin melodiile mele. As mai vrea sa scriu o carte cu acelasi efect.Nu ma intereseaza succesul ei ci mai degraba reactia pe care o creeaza in cititorii ei.Si as mai vrea sa tin strans de toate relatiile pe care le-am avut pana acum.Vreau sa ies la acea cafea saptamanala cu fiul meu.Vreau sa ma intalnesc cu colegii de liceu si sa ne povestim ce am realizat in viata,toti sa fim fericit.Vreau sa simt viata de student la maxim,cu ai mei colegi de camera,de facultate cu cei din AEGEE si cu prietenii pe care i-am facut acum.Vreau sa ma indragostesc in asa hal incat sa ador vulnerabilitatea mea fata de o persoana. De altfel ma simt ca intr-o relatie cand sunt cu oamenii din AEGEE.Imi place sa fiu vulnerabil acolo.E un loc frumos si calduros.Imi doresc sa fiu copil mereu si sa pot face orice pentru fericirea mea si a celor din jur.

Ai construit un pod in vietile noastre si cred ca ar fi corect din partea noastra sa il trecem si sa il denumim in onoarea ta. Ai fost un prieten bun,chiar daca drumurile noastre s-au despartit si iti multumesc pentru asta si pentru ce ne-ai invatat.Sa ai grija de tine acolo sus.E momentul sa imi iau ramas bun,asa ca iti strang mana si iti spun,la reverede in speranta ca intr-o zi vom vorbi din nou.MULTUMESC!

Published in: on March 3, 2010 at 2:32 am  Comments (4)  
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Life teaches us lessons every single day.From the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep we keep on learning even though we may not realize it strait away.It all comes down to oppening ones eyes.Are you willing to see the lessons that are around you? I was thinking right now how precious every breath I take is…and that I have to be greatful for every single one.What comes after doens’t matter right now.Because you cannot know what awaits you.So you just have to keep going on whatever hardships you confront. Know this my friend…you are not alone…because whatever you have to face…and whoever stands in the way of your happiness…someone will also be there at your side and help you get passed it.This may sound wierd but it has to be said.It has to represent a comfort for you, the one that seems hopeless.Know that hope doesn’t die last in a human heart…it never dies.For it is in our nature to fight for our survival and our happyness.It is the most basic of human emotions and you can’t just give it up jut because of some hardships that come along the way.Cling to every breath.Hold on to every hand that’s held out to you.Don’t let go of something that was given to you.Don’t end something that still has a long way to go.Belive in the good of man.Trust,hope,endure,love and live!Life is exactly the way you make it. It is only influenced by your feelings and your wishes.Close your eyes and imagine life as a birthday cake.Now make a wish and blow out the candles. You know the wish won’t be granted imediatly…but if you belive in it and feel it every day…then eventually it will be granted and you may not even realize that.That’s the only secret to life there is.It’s in your hand and it’s there for you to use.Think about everything you would leave behind if you’re parting with this world.Think of the people that cherish and love you and how they would lose a part of themselves when you’re gone.Think of all the happy memories you’ve made on this planet called Earth.Think of a snowy Christmas Eve and how that made you feel as a child. Think of new year’s eve as a new begining to turn your life around for the better.Precious moments,happy people,happy faces…Think about Christmas joys and all your worries and doubts should vanish in the snowy sky.

If you’re still out there…I wish you a happy life…for it is something every single human deserves.And if you’ve decided to leave…then have a safe trip to a better place…and know that…there will always be a place for you in this soul.

This is the balad to you…don’t turn it into a requiem.

Published in: on December 23, 2008 at 3:12 am  Leave a Comment  
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For Those Who Touched My Life…

I’m never writing anything concrete, I just philosophise about certain problems in life never giving any stable meaning to them.They may be mine or someone elses but I never say exactly what happend.This post is just for a few people that I care about and those I wish to tell a few things but I’d rather say it this way…

Lilah – You’ve been there for quite some time.I don’t know where that somewhere is but I know it’s inside of me.You were a really big part of my life…someone I don’t think I can ever replace in that particular way.We used to dream about our stars that never seemed to fade away,yet they still did.Things happend,people changed(maybe not for the best) and we were torn apart.I just want you to know that you’ll always have that special place in me.I’m glad that you were a part of my life and that you made it brighter that summer of 2007 that seemed endless.Goodbye.

Laura – People meet in wierd ways don’t they? Well maybe meet is kind of streched out here because we’ve never actually met, still I’ve grown to see a good friend in you.You have that certain something of childish behaviour and unexpected maturity that few people can balance just right.I’m glad that you’re part of my life even if I don’t know how long it’ll last but I hope as long as possible.You’re that spot of colour that always knows what to say.(By the way,it’s gonna be allright 🙂 )Goodbye.

Teo –  Sometimes I think you have more energy than a five year-old and that’s hard to beat.You never seem tired not even when you say that you’re on the verge of passing out.Talking to you is always fun even though most of the time there’s nothing remotely serious in the conversation.Maybe that’s what so good about it.People have to forget about everyday worries and just relax.Talking about random, unesential stuff is just great and it helps forget about all the crappy things in my life.I’m glad we’re friends and I hope we’ll have a lot of fun together.Goodbye.

Deea – So we’ve know eachother for over four and a half years and you’ve become a huge part of my life.One of the most important parts actually.My life would have been significantly different if we’d have never met on that faithful day of May. You’re my sister,you’re my friend,you’re so much more to me than most people.I want you to know that I love you very, very much and that I’m someone you can always count on,in good and in bad times.I’m your big brother even though it’s just something we settled.I may be a little overprotective at times but that’s only because I care.And you know I’m never serious with those things. Sometimes I said some bad things and I hurt you even though you were only trying to help and I’m sorry for those times.I love you sister and I hope we’ll always stay friends.Goodbye.

Lavi – I can’t belive I still remember when we met for the first time.I mean when we talked,cause it was long before we actually met.It was during a beerfest here in Lugoj and we met on that stupid chatting program Mirc.You were LPGirl,liking linking park.That was about 3 and a half years ago.It’s been so long and you’ve grown so beautiful.You’ve grown a lot but you still have a long way to go.I’m still very proud of you and I want you to know that however far I may seem I’m always close to you if you need absolutely anything. You’re a wonderful person and I’m sure you’ll always be happy.Goodbye.

Ade – That is your name right?I’m just kidding. I don’t think I’ve EVER met someone as…larger than life as you.And no I don’t mean it in the ironic way you’re thinking of.I mean that you’ve just turned my world upside down over and over again that I just don’t know if I’m on the ceiling or on the ground anymore. You’re loud,annoying,crazy,you’re a foul-mouth,yet you still manage to keep me interested.We have totally different views on any subject,yet arguing was never more fun.You never listen to my advice although you insist that I tell you what to do.You just drive me nuts,but you’re one of my best friends and I really have no idea how my life would be without you.Probably with less heart attacks and less fun.So I go for heart attacks. I think there’s not even one conversation I’ve had with you(even those where we actually fought) when I haven’t laughed or grinned.Sometimes you leave me without words(and it’s not always in a good way).Still I’m glad I know you for over seven months and that we’re friends even though in the begining none of us thought we’d make it over two weeks.It just goes to show you that plans never work out.(Oh and remember that you’ll miss your wedding because of me 🙂 ).Goodbye.

Diana – I don’t even know where to begin…It’s like you just appeared out of nowhere when I needed it most. You just showed up and you never left to my content.I can’t even begin to describe what I feel. You’ve blown my mind and amazed me every single day.What’s so special about you?Well I don’t know what everyone else thinks but to me you’re just incredible.I don’t think there’s even one person in this world that I can relate to more than you.You’re a loving and caring soul,you’re pure and beautiful,you’re funny and inteligent,you understand everything I’m going through as if it were you and I think I feel the same.You’re not interesting…you’re fascinating.I’d just like to spend as much time as possible with you.You colour my world and you put a smile on my face everytime.I just don’t know what to say.Things feel so simple and natural around you.Maybe I’m crazy,maybe I’m stupid but that’s just how I feel and I’m not going to lie about this. I wish that you’d always be a part of my life…but if this should ever end I want you to know that I am happy that in this life I had someone like you there.You really made a huge difference although it may not seem like that.I wish things could stay simple but somehow they always tend to get complicated…What can I say, there are some things that just happen…I’m sorry…Diana-chan…Goodbye…

Published in: on November 10, 2008 at 1:43 am  Comments (4)  
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