A Change Is Gonna Come…

Sometimes this feels right. This feels like it’s the only thing that people should do. That I should do. I was having this really interesting conversation with an old friend today about destiny and whether or not the decisions you make in life are worth anything or is everything laid out for you and everything is predetermined. The only conclusion I drew from this talk was that no matter the evidence, people will believe what they feel is right. And in the end that is what real values represent. I’m not saying that believing something proven wrong is OK, but if there is no way to demonstrate whether this certain theory is true or not then it may be better to go with your feelings. And everybody should just fucking accept that. Don’t push your ideas on others, just learn to love them as they are and respect their choices. Things aren’t always black and white. I believe there’s always a gray area of interpretation in these matters. And the world should just view this with arms wide open and respect everyone in the same way. We are all in the same pot if you think about it. We’re all humans and we’re all gonna pass away eventually. So why live in hate and ignorance of each other when we only have so much to lose. People are stubborn. Maybe to stubborn for their own good. Maybe they will catch on to the right way just a little bit to late. And apparently they think it’s worth risking the entire species of man just for the stubbornness of a few that planted these ideas in men’s heads.

Love is also stubborn sometimes. Whether it’s about love for ones God,ones life partner or ones child. Sometimes it’s hard to fucking let go of things. Because we implanted this absurd idea that we can’t go on without this significant other. And then we work for years and years just to let go. Just to feel free for that fragment of a moment before some other kind of love sucks us in and rapes our mind and soul. I’m not saying love is a bad thing, but when we forget about the pureness of this feeling and we turn it into obsession. No matter who you love, even if it seems impossible, you can move on. You can live long and be happy. Just don’t  let yourself get sucked in by loneliness and think that you can’t go on without someone at your side. And if you decide to spend a period of your life with someone then do it just for the simple reasons. That smile that only she can set on your face. You know the one I’m talking about. That really really pure smile that comes out of joy from the soul. Do it for that moment when you open your eyes and you see that person lying right next to you and you feel like you’re the fucking king of all existence. Just because you won her.

Whatever path in life you should take, the most important thing is to remember to feel. Remember to be pure and never let your mind talk you out of doing what you feel like. Go ahead, make your move, if this is what you found deep inside your being then just do it. The whole universe dares you to move. Let yourself get dragged through existence by this unimaginable experience. Enjoy pain, desire love, just feel alive. You can be better. Start forgiving yourself and the people around you for mistakes that never really hurt someone at all. Don’t do it for divinity or for the promise of a better future. Do it because it feels right. Do it because nothing compares to the satisfaction that fills you up and floats you high, like a hot air balloon. Sometimes I ask myself, was there anything that I could have said or done? But it’s important to remember that we live here and now. It’s important to know that the past is gone. That time is no more and it does not matter anymore. Just do it for this moment! Don’t leave the stage in the middle of a song.

But to get to the point of this here tale. I truly believe a great change is upon us. I think humanity is at a point where we need a missing link to progress as a species. I believe we lost this great thing quite some time ago and we have forgotten how to get it back. Well now it depends on what you compare this symbol to. First of all some think there will come a time of chaos and destruction because of the greed of people. Wealth is their symbol. It is the simple minded approach to the earthly issue. It’s common because money is real, it is palpable and, in the end, it’s what people apparently desire the most. The second type of people are those who believe the divine end is nearing. Irrelevant of religion, they all have this day of reckoning. This end of all things. These people believe in a higher power but they each chose to model it to their wishes and desires. They always find loopholes but they still believe their soul is saved. If you say you believe in this spiritual father then at least be honest and follow his word. If not you’re wasting everyone’s time. And by everyone I mean you as well. Lastly there are the group of people that believe that humanity is on the brink of a new era. They believe that only those pure of heart will ascend to the next state of existence. It is thought that this form we are in is just the beginning of the road for enlightenment. Those who see their body as just a container for our universal projection. We have always felt a connection to a greater power but we never really got around describing it. I think we are complicating things to much and we expect things to just work one way or the other. When all we should do is spread kindness and hope to all fellow humans. We should teach each other what love and compassion is. So that, even if this is the end and maybe we are just simple organisms in the infinity of the universe, we get to to do ourselves the favor of living for everyone and not only for yourself.

So here comes goodbye. I hope you have had a confusing and intriguing journey with some of my more or less real thoughts. The thing is that no matter how shitty things get, doing something good for someone else will always make you feel uplifted. So spread love and always give back to your fellow man.

Published in: on April 7, 2013 at 5:07 am  Comments (1)  
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Symphony of Life…


As I lay there on the bed, heartbroken and hopeless, I start losing consciousness… The reality I see fades into shades of yellow and spirals. Many many spirals. It’s as if I’m in a state of supreme imprisonment. Everything is so fucking shiny. As I drift through every possible dream and every possible outcome, it never occurred to me how this music was playing in the background. It’s like the opposite of my last connection with this surreal realm. Yet in form it is the same. A smooth smooth piano that moves in me the spirit of deep sorrow I had not experienced in so long. Drama was always there wasn’t it? Maybe just in my fucked up head.

“Why?” I say to the shadow playing that piano. “Why the hell won’t you leave me?

I’m shouting and pouting and not a single word was muttered from him. He whom I don’t know. The only wall in front of me. Yet you are not alone, Mr. Shadow. No no, there are so many more bricks in the wall than you. Everywhere I step, everywhere I speak, everywhere I goddamn breathe there’s one of you little charlatans. You pile up on top of each other and drive people back so they can’t actually build up the attitude to just ignore you. For your power is limited. Oh and how weak you all truly are in the face of innocence.

You who gang up on dreamers. You who just pop up in ones mind and throw it into chaos. But your deeds can do much more than you can think. They may lead to cowardliness, shame and regret so much that all life seems to leave ones body when thinking back on what you missed out. But, and there’s always a but, there are these rare cases that stand up to you. These fantastic beings that after years and years of feeling only fear and sadness rise and take control of their life. They just let go of it all. That’s the secret in the end isn’t it?

How can one truly move on when he knows there’s still a part inside that hopes and dreams for something that has long passed. Let it go, just let it all fucking go. Ahead there’s only more hardships, why drag such baggage with you? Embrace what comes, even if it may seem unfair. And if you happen to be in such a situation again just remember, it’s all about you in the end. Is it worth it? If you think that for a tiny second you will feel joy out of that, then go do it.

And if you think you can help someone in a single way, do it even if after you just won’t get what you expect. Because if you feel good about what you did then that’s compensation enough. And if you feel bad, think really hard why it is you’re feeling that way.

Now this may be a load of trash due to the fact that I will have no memory of this in the morning!

Published in: on March 13, 2013 at 2:14 am  Leave a Comment  
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Chiar daca 31 decembrie ar trebui sa fie o zi ca oricare alta,ea este tratata special. Noaptea dintre ani, revelionul etc. Dar e frumos ca avem o zi care sa simbolizeze un nou inceput. O zi in care sa ne propunem sa fim mai buni,mai muncitori,mai intelegatori. O zi in care ne dorim sa avem mai mult succes in anul in care urmeaza. O noapte pe care o petrecem cu persoane dragi noua intr-o petrecere care nu stii cum incepe si cand se termina.

Ce dracu,ar trebui si noi sa fim mai puternici si sa ne tinem de ceea ce ne propunem. Chiar daca nu sunt facute in noaptea de revelion. Dar mai ales atunci,cand ea ne confera o schimbare,daca nu reala, macar psihologica. Simbolistica trecerii anului si inceperea unui nou ar trebui sa ne motiveze suficient de mult sa ne schimbam vietile in mai bine. Sa avem mai mult succes in cariera,in dragoste,in tot. Sa apreciem momentele fericite,oricat de putine ar fi. Sa stim ca mai trebuie sa facem si un dus rece ocazional,dar ca acela ne va trezi si ne va pune pe calea cea buna in final.

Pentru mine,chiar reprezinta un restart anul 2012. Am avut un an destul de rau din mai multe puncte de vedere,dar stiu ca imi pot reveni anul acesta. Cel mai mult imi doresc sa imi asum doua riscuri anul acesta. O persoana cu care nu vorbisem de mult timp mi-a amintit asta cand aveam nevoie cel mai tare. Daca nu iei anumite riscuri nu ai nici o sansa de a supravietuii societatii. Si stiu ca va fi sansa vietii mele si o voi profita de ocazie orice ar fi!

Mai imi doresc sa scriu mai mult,pentru ca am vazut ca sunt oameni pe care nu i-am intalnit luni intregi si inca ma intreaba daca mai scriu. Si asta chiar ma motiveaza si imi propun sa fiu mai activ aici. Imi propun sa ma implic mai mult in tot ceea ce este in jurul meu si imi propun sa dau mai mult.

Dar cel mai mult imi doresc sa fie toti din jurul meu sanatosi si fericiti. Pentru ca trebuie sa fi inconjurat de oameni fericiti ca sa poti sa fi la randul tau fericit.

Va doresc la toti un 2012 plin de bucurii,plin de impliniri,sa fie cel mai bun an din viata voastra de pana acum.

Cu drag,


Published in: on January 1, 2012 at 5:54 pm  Comments (2)  
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Viata e intradevar un mare mister.Intr-o zi esti aici,in urmatoarea pa.Iti demonstreaza zilnic ca trebuie sa o traiesti din plin,sa faci ce simti,sa iti dai cu capu de pereti,si in primul rand sa treci peste toate hartoapele pe care ti le pune in cale. Si crede-ma ca vor fi multe si adanci.Nu stii ce gropan iei si ramai blocat acolo. Important sa iesi de acolo si sa-ti continui drumul intr-un fel sau altul.Cateodata aceasta viata te invata lucruri intr-un mod foarte dur.Face sacrificii dureroase ca sa poti continua. In acel moment te simti pierdut,confuz,vrei sa fumezi,sa adormi,sa uiti de tot si toate.Dar orice ai face problema continua sa te preseze pana cand nu treci peste ea. Probabl ca cel mai important lucru e sa ai pe cineva acolo care sa te scoata din starea actuala.Si nu stii cine e acea persoana si cand apare.Poate cateodata dureaza luni intregi,alteori cateva ore.Tu ai plecat,poate intr-un loc mai bun si noi iti vom simti lipsa si vom trai cu golul pe care l-ai lasat toata viata.Si la urma urmei nu poti sa te gandesti la un lucru bun din toata treaba asta.SI totusi exista si trebuie sa-l intelegi.Pentru ca nu e vina ta si tot ce putem face e sa invatam din cele petrecute.

Lectia pe care tu mi-ai predat-o si sper ca nu doar mie,e sa traiesc viata in asa fel incat sa nu regret nimic pentru ca nu stii cand se termina. Si lectia asta am invatat-o de zeci de ori,dar niciodata asa de bine.Sa apreciez orice moment,sa imi umplu corpul de sentimente si sa le dau afara de milioane de ori amplificate.M-ai invatat sa fac ceea ce simt,sa nu uit niciodata de vise,sa incerc sa le implinesc pe toate,sa tintesc sus,sa nu ma las descurajat de nimic,sa trec peste orice obstacol si pentru asta iti multumesc.Visele mele intrebi?Ar fi putine,dar pline de speranta.As vrea sa cant.Mi-ar placea asta extrem de mult. As vrea sa inspir lumea prin cuvintele mele si sa creez sentimente prin melodiile mele. As mai vrea sa scriu o carte cu acelasi efect.Nu ma intereseaza succesul ei ci mai degraba reactia pe care o creeaza in cititorii ei.Si as mai vrea sa tin strans de toate relatiile pe care le-am avut pana acum.Vreau sa ies la acea cafea saptamanala cu fiul meu.Vreau sa ma intalnesc cu colegii de liceu si sa ne povestim ce am realizat in viata,toti sa fim fericit.Vreau sa simt viata de student la maxim,cu ai mei colegi de camera,de facultate cu cei din AEGEE si cu prietenii pe care i-am facut acum.Vreau sa ma indragostesc in asa hal incat sa ador vulnerabilitatea mea fata de o persoana. De altfel ma simt ca intr-o relatie cand sunt cu oamenii din AEGEE.Imi place sa fiu vulnerabil acolo.E un loc frumos si calduros.Imi doresc sa fiu copil mereu si sa pot face orice pentru fericirea mea si a celor din jur.

Ai construit un pod in vietile noastre si cred ca ar fi corect din partea noastra sa il trecem si sa il denumim in onoarea ta. Ai fost un prieten bun,chiar daca drumurile noastre s-au despartit si iti multumesc pentru asta si pentru ce ne-ai invatat.Sa ai grija de tine acolo sus.E momentul sa imi iau ramas bun,asa ca iti strang mana si iti spun,la reverede in speranta ca intr-o zi vom vorbi din nou.MULTUMESC!

Published in: on March 3, 2010 at 2:32 am  Comments (4)  
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Little Dreams…

I have these little dreams sometimes.I guess they are wishes that take forms of fantasies or dreams. Two nights ago I dreamed I was a hero who saved a dozen of people from a natural disaster.It’s probably a reflection of my inner desire to achieve something important in my life.Something that really matters.Something that will inspire numerous people. That is one of my ambitions and for now I can only dream about it.Be careful what you wish for cause you might get it all. Well who knows if it’s the right thing to wish for,but right now that’s what I believe.I’ve seen a lot of sadness around me lately. I have seen through the eyes of an adult.I have seen the everlasting corridor that is hopelessness.No wonder they can’t overcome their limits.

Yesterday I dreamed of an incredibly beautiful girl.She was amazing and she was called Madeline.She flew through my dreams like a muse.She had brown hair with blond locks.Madeline made me crazy,she obsessed me.We had sex in my dream.Or did we make love?I don’t know.We did it 5 times anyway.It was strange,but yet it grew better each time. I wish Madeline was real.She was superb.I’m going home…to the place where I belong…where your love has always been enough for me.Les Miserables.

Today I dreamed with my eyes open.I dreamed of a movie,of a movie about all their lives.More like a whole season of shows because a movie wouldn’t be enough to cover everything up.Although I could direct one for each of them. We shall see.My point is that I would like to write some movie scripts and direct them. Dramas and romantic comedies would mainly be the subject I would cover,but I think the biggest success would be a sequel to the best comedy ever, Eurotrip.These places and these spaces are getting old.

I miss my feelings.They’ve been scattered all over the world and I cannot find them.My strength is depleted and I lay on the ground powerless.What must I do in order to regain my former self?I would give it my all,but I have no light to search for.No purpose,no future vision.Although my purpose is happiness as it is for all humans,I feel the need to do something more right now.And as I said,I first need to regain my strength.Onegai…

These are my little dreams.I wonder what awaits me tonight.Hope to see you Madeline.Summer Love eh?

Published in: on July 30, 2009 at 2:09 am  Leave a Comment  
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