Tic,Tac,Tic,Tac…

Ei chiar am ramas fara idei.Chiar am dat totul din mine pe moment.Asa de secat de puteri nu m-am simtit de…pai cam niciodata daca stau bine sa ma gandesc. Totusi mai fac o ultima tentativa la a scrie ceva pentru ca aparent corpul meu se simte incarcat si trebuie sa debiteze ceva.

E curioasa chestia asta cu timpul nu-i asa? In principiu noi oamenii am creat notiunea de timp si am definit-o cu toate ca, prin asta, noi am definit unul din procedeele sigure prin care incheiem capitolul viata. Asa suntem noi oamenii, trebuie sa avem o denumire pentru orice. In fine, ceea ce vroiam sa spun e ca nu prea poti sa crezi intr-un moto precum “Nu exista destin, eu imi fac viata cum vreau eu” pentru ca la urma urmei tot acolo intre flori ajungem.Ce-i drept depinde de noi cat vrem sa ne prelungim viata. Ce ne asteapta dupa,nimeni nu stie si poate de aceea ne e frica sa murim.Frica de necunoscut a fost mereu cea mai mare frica a oamenilor. “White shores”, “Paradise”, “Heaven”, “Hell”, “Reincarnation” si asa mai departe. Putem cauta cat vrem ca nimeni nu poate fi sigur de ceea ce il asteapta.

Cel mai trist e cand trebuie sa vezi oamenii dragi tie ca mor, dar si ei la randul lor au trecut prin asta. The cycle of life.Poate suna insensibil dar nu asta era scopul.Nu am zis niciodata sa nu va pese,am spus doar ca e ceva normal si ca lumea intelege cand treci prin asa ceva.Am avut o descatusare totala si nu prea pot sa exprim in cuvinte ceea ce am trait asa ca  vreau sa schimb subiectul.

Dupa un an 7 luni si 2 zile am ajuns la 10.077 de views pe acest minuscul blog. In comparatie cu multi alti bloggeri e o nimica toata.Altii au aceasta cifra de afaceri zilnic.Dar pentru mine e o realizare.Stiu ca nu scriu cele mai bune lucruri tot timpul sau ca mai fac anumite greseli dar la urma urmei cu toate acestea am ajuns si eu la 10.000 de vizitatori. Am scris despre o fetita mica ratacita pe undeva prin viata mea, am scris despre liceu, am scris diverse filozofii pe care nu le realizez in acel moment dar pur si simplu atunci am simtit eu ca e clipa potrivita sa dau drumul in lume la opinia proprie despre un anumit subiect,am scris despre lilah, am scris despre ade,am scris despre laura, am scris despre diana, am scris despre o multime de persoam, am scris cand am fost nervos, am scris cand am fost beat, am scris cand am fost in alta lume si m-am simtit al naibii de bine de fiecare data. Acesta este post-ul cu numarul 106.

In general scriu ceea ce simt,am infiintat acest blog pentru ca scrisul imi oferea o dezlegare puternica si o deconectare de la tot ce ma inconjura dar odata cu trecerea timpului a ajuns sa fie mult mai mult decat atat. Sper sa am dreptate cand spun ca am mai si progresat de cand am inceput sa scriu si imi doresc sa spun peste cativa ani ca am evoluat si mai mult pe acest plan. Ca orice om imi doresc mai mult si sper sa ating acel punct.Voi incerca in orice caz.Imi propun sa scot un short story bun,in primul rand, si apoi voi mai vedea.Inca nu sunt multumit de ceea ce am realizat si mai trebuie sa lucrez iar timpul pe care il am la dispozitie nu e chiar mult, dar ca orice roman ma descurc cum pot.

In final as vrea sa va multumesc tuturor pentru sustinere si pentru ca imi urmariti din cand in cand scrierile.Inseamna mult pentru mine si voi incerca sa nu dezamagesc prea tare de acum inainte.Criticile cu bun simt sunt mereu binevenite si prin bun simt ma refer la faptul cum sunt exprimate nu la ceea ce se refera.Eu incerc sa-mi corectez defectele pe parcurs si daca cineva are ceva de spus ii voi fi recunoscator pentru mana de ajutor.De altfel daca aveti vreun subiect pe care v-ati dori sa-l tratez puteti sa lasati un comment si ma voi ocupa de el cand pot.Multumesc inca o data pentru sustinere.

Published in: on February 28, 2009 at 5:04 am  Comments (7)  
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Protected: Anger Management…

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Published in: on February 22, 2009 at 3:26 am  Enter your password to view comments.  
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E-Mail To My Heart…

What can I say?You got the e-mail adress right I guess…Nu am ce scrie,tu stii deja tot ce trebuie sa stii.Nu vreau sa analizez ce ai scris.Nu vreau sa imi dau cu parerea.Pentru ca poate inteleg ceva gresit.De altfel tot timpul intelegeam ceva gresit.La un moment dat ti-am spus…Nu mai judec,nu mai analizez,nu mai inteleg,doar accept.Culmea ca incetul cu incetul tot am facut asa.Mi se pare foarte impersonal si detasat.De altfel celorlalti le place.Le place sa fie acceptati asa cum sunt si se simt apropiati.Sunt toti niste prosti.Nu sunt eu acela care va putea sa te inteleaga macar putin.Nu sunt eu acela care va putea sa te cunoasca.As fi vrut sa fie asa dar sunt prea simplu.Pardon,nu cred ca simplu e cuvantul potrivit pentru ca nu sunt chiar asa.Si tu cunosti doar o parte din mine.Ma rog,neesential.Am spus ca te accept si asa a fost.Nu am nici cea mai vaga idee cum sa-ti raspund.Mi-am consumat ieri noapte inspiratia.Spui ca ne-ai dat noua tot?Pai si eu ti-am dat tie ce puteam sa-ti dau.Si sper sa ti macar acea particica pe care vreau sa o ai din mine si sa o pui bine.Behind those sad eyes of yours lies a beautiful being capable of unimaginable things.Ai fost extaz si agonie.Ai fost o ploaie calda de vara in care saruti pe cineva drag cu pasiune si nu uiti niciodata acel moment.Vezi ce prost poate fi omul? “Ce vrei de la mine?” “Nimic”.Ba da.Cum sa nu vreau nimic.Vreau sa fiu acolo in cele mai importante momente ale vieti tale.Vreau sa nu se termine niciodata povestea ta.Vreau sa-ti traiesti viata odata si sa nu mai stai in gandurile tale.Mai vreau sa te iau in brate macar o data si sa te invart.Vreau sa te aud cum pufnesti in ras si razi fara sa te opresti la comentarile mele stupide.Vreau sa-ti traversez strada sufletului dar sa ma opresc la mijloc intre masini si imi pun steagul acolo.ALEX WAS HERE!Si daca ar fi sa dea masina peste mine macar as fi fericit ca am fost acolo.Mai vreau sa pot spune in noaptea intre 28 si 29 martie 2009 La multi ani ne cunoastem de un an.As vrea sa pot spune ne cunoastem de 10 ani si de 20 de ani si in fiecare an si luna.Vreau sa fiu ala care te fura de la nunta si te duce in lume ca doar asa am spus.Pardon am spus ca te fur inainte de nunta ca sa o iau inainte unui anumite persoane.Vreau sa radem despre lucruri triviale si stupide si sa facem viata un joc,care chiar daca se termina macar sa stim ca l-am jucat cum am vrut.Dar mai presus de toate vreau sa fi tu fericita si sa traiesti asa cum consideri tu ca e bine.Sa iei decizii si sa nu mai stai analizand totul atat de mult.Alege ce crezi tu ca e mai bine pentru tine.Te-am pus bine in sufletul meu.Esti acolo si de acolo n-o sa pleci niciodata.Si asculta de mine pentru ca stiu ce spun.Nu te gandi ca te voi uita pentru ca nu va fi asa nici daca fac Alzheimer si mi se distruge creierul.Deci in final…Ce alegi?Mergem mai departe impreuna sau o luam pe alte drumuri?Tu stii ce-mi doresc eu.Deci nu fa ce crezi ca e mai bine pentru mine ci ce e mai bine pentru tine.Adio sau Pe Curand?

Si se pare ca a fost Pe Curand…dar la urma urmei tot am ajuns la Adio…

Published in: on December 26, 2008 at 4:53 am  Comments (2)  
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For Those Who Touched My Life…

I’m never writing anything concrete, I just philosophise about certain problems in life never giving any stable meaning to them.They may be mine or someone elses but I never say exactly what happend.This post is just for a few people that I care about and those I wish to tell a few things but I’d rather say it this way…

Lilah – You’ve been there for quite some time.I don’t know where that somewhere is but I know it’s inside of me.You were a really big part of my life…someone I don’t think I can ever replace in that particular way.We used to dream about our stars that never seemed to fade away,yet they still did.Things happend,people changed(maybe not for the best) and we were torn apart.I just want you to know that you’ll always have that special place in me.I’m glad that you were a part of my life and that you made it brighter that summer of 2007 that seemed endless.Goodbye.

Laura – People meet in wierd ways don’t they? Well maybe meet is kind of streched out here because we’ve never actually met, still I’ve grown to see a good friend in you.You have that certain something of childish behaviour and unexpected maturity that few people can balance just right.I’m glad that you’re part of my life even if I don’t know how long it’ll last but I hope as long as possible.You’re that spot of colour that always knows what to say.(By the way,it’s gonna be allright ­čÖé )Goodbye.

Teo – ┬áSometimes I think you have more energy than a five year-old and that’s hard to beat.You never seem tired not even when you say that you’re on the verge of passing out.Talking to you is always fun even though most of the time there’s nothing remotely serious in the conversation.Maybe that’s what so good about it.People have to forget about everyday worries and just relax.Talking about random, unesential stuff is just great and it helps forget about all the crappy things in my life.I’m glad we’re friends and I hope we’ll have a lot of fun together.Goodbye.

Deea – So we’ve know eachother for over four and a half years and you’ve become a huge part of my life.One of the most important parts actually.My life would have been significantly different if we’d have never met on that faithful day of May. You’re my sister,you’re my friend,you’re so much more to me than most people.I want you to know that I love you very, very much and that I’m someone you can always count on,in good and in bad times.I’m your big brother even though it’s just something we settled.I may be a little overprotective at times but that’s only because I care.And you know I’m never serious with those things. Sometimes I said some bad things and I hurt you even though you were only trying to help and I’m sorry for those times.I love you sister and I hope we’ll always stay friends.Goodbye.

Lavi – I can’t belive I still remember when we met for the first time.I mean when we talked,cause it was long before we actually met.It was during a beerfest here in Lugoj and we met on that stupid chatting program Mirc.You were LPGirl,liking linking park.That was about 3 and a half years ago.It’s been so long and you’ve grown so beautiful.You’ve grown a lot but you still have a long way to go.I’m still very proud of you and I want you to know that however far I may seem I’m always close to you if you need absolutely anything. You’re a wonderful person and I’m sure you’ll always be happy.Goodbye.

Ade – That is your name right?I’m just kidding. I don’t think I’ve EVER met someone as…larger than life as you.And no I don’t mean it in the ironic way you’re thinking of.I mean that you’ve just turned my world upside down over and over again that I just don’t know if I’m on the ceiling or on the ground anymore. You’re loud,annoying,crazy,you’re a foul-mouth,yet you still manage to keep me interested.We have totally different views on any subject,yet arguing was never more fun.You never listen to my advice although you insist that I tell you what to do.You just drive me nuts,but you’re one of my best friends and I really have no idea how my life would be without you.Probably with less heart attacks and less fun.So I go for heart attacks. I think there’s not even one conversation I’ve had with you(even those where we actually fought) when I haven’t laughed or grinned.Sometimes you leave me without words(and it’s not always in a good way).Still I’m glad I know you for over seven months and that we’re friends even though in the begining none of us thought we’d make it over two weeks.It just goes to show you that plans never work out.(Oh and remember that you’ll miss your wedding because of me ­čÖé ).Goodbye.

Diana – I don’t even know where to begin…It’s like you just appeared out of nowhere when I needed it most. You just showed up and you never left to my content.I can’t even begin to describe what I feel. You’ve blown my mind and amazed me every single day.What’s so special about you?Well I don’t know what everyone else thinks but to me you’re just incredible.I don’t think there’s even one person in this world that I can relate to more than you.You’re a loving and caring soul,you’re pure and beautiful,you’re funny and inteligent,you understand everything I’m going through as if it were you and I think I feel the same.You’re not interesting…you’re fascinating.I’d just like to spend as much time as possible with you.You colour my world and you put a smile on my face everytime.I just don’t know what to say.Things feel so simple and natural around you.Maybe I’m crazy,maybe I’m stupid but that’s just how I feel and I’m not going to lie about this. I wish that you’d always be a part of my life…but if this should ever end I want you to know that I am happy that in this life I had someone like you there.You really made a huge difference although it may not seem like that.I wish things could stay simple but somehow they always tend to get complicated…What can I say, there are some things that just happen…I’m sorry…Diana-chan…Goodbye…

Published in: on November 10, 2008 at 1:43 am  Comments (4)  
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