Redemption…

You hardly realize how time flies by…You just live your daily life…Your rutine…Your prison…On rare ocasions you stop and think about the flow of life and time…1 day…1 week…1 year…10 years…20…40…and so on…and then you realize what you did with your life…were you selfish and thought mostly about yourself,being so selfcentered that you just let things fly by you?…Or were you generous,or better said did you depend on others lives so much that you forgot to live your own?…We find ourselves living in extremes…We are so offbalance that we can hardly find our inner piece…And that’s what I’m looking for right now…better said…I’m looking for two things…Friendship…and Redemption…

Friendship…it seems such a powerfull thing from the outside…like an unbreakable and indistructable armor…it sheelds you from harm whenever it’s out looking for you…it’s a source of life on it’s own…a friend can bring you up…or he can break you down…This armor has been given to us by someone…but we stained it with our human hands…It is no longer an armor…it’s being used as a weapon…to backstabb people…to make them leave themselves vulnerable…it’s been turned into a slim layer of illusions…So why do we seek it so much?…How can we trust people when we know that we could end up so bad in most cases…This is what I seek…a true friend…someone that is there for me when the world has set up to many hardships for me and i can’t take it anymore…i seek a source of inspiration and life…I seek to have that feeling again…what it means to have a true friend…I don’t know if i found one yet…but now i feel empty and powerless…How can I trust somebody again when i’ve been betrayed and hurt so many times?…Of course I’m not blaming anyone but myself…that is why I seek redemption as well…I have done things that I am not proud of too…I have said,done and thought things that should not have been there…I seek forgiveness for my actions…for I feel that is what i must do and this time it’s regardless of what others may think about it…I wish to apologize for judging a book by it’s cover…I wish to apologize for not being the friend you wanted me to be…I wish to apologize for saying things i didn’t mean to you…I wish to apologize for not always being there for the people I care about and those I do not…I wish to apologize for not being able to help people when they needed it…I wish to apologize for not always being able to lift myself to the standards requierd to make you happy…I wish to apologize for many things…But I also wish to apologize to myself for never being able to take action when needed…for not being able to do what I have to do…this is my greatest problem and I have to overcome it somehow…for my family…for my friends…for God…but most importantly…for myself…I have to stand up…take a risk…and hope for the best…Time may be running out already…and who knows when the clock will stop turning for me…The solution for this problem will not come from running away…I will have to face it and live up to my own expectations…I will have to follow the advice i give to my friends as well…because otherwise how can i expect them to follow when i don’t even listen to it…This is my pledge…I will stand tall…I will succede…I will not be afraid anymore…I will fight and endure whatever may come…For this is the man I want to become…I will go my own way…and hope…yes hope…for the best…because although hope is something very fragile…it is also something good…and without it a man is lost and can never find himself again…

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Published in: on August 14, 2008 at 1:29 am  Leave a Comment  

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